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As we are based in the UK, chat times provided currently are in Greenwich Mean Time, unless stated otherwise. The main lounge is open all of the time and is used to inform members of upcoming events, and as a meeting place throughout the week.

The main lounge is a mixed room and is open to Dominants and submissives. The Dungeon welcomes both Dominants and submissives and is used to host larger chat events, such as the weekly topic chats on aspects of Dominance and submission.

In order to allow members to talk more freely, these rooms are specific to Dominants and submissives respectively. Whilst The SWC has a relaxed atmosphere where all rooms can be seen, we ask that Dominants and submissives do not comment in opposing rooms as this often interrupts the flow of a conversation.

The Snug is a smaller chat-room designed for more intimate groups to talk about specific topics and this is where the little parties take place every two weeks.

The little parties are held at US Eastern time. Please ensure that the following rules are both understood and adhered to. They are for the safety of everyone.

Skip to toolbar About WordPress. View Calendar. Skip to content Live Chat. Being comfortable with giving up control will take some time, so try to be patient and focus on how being obedient benefits you and your relationship.

I am not a sub…yet…I would like to…. Sure, Stacey! Make sure you figure out first WHY you want to be a submissive, and what you hope to get out of it.

Take it very slow, and remember to have fun! Please help me as clarity. Would being used sexually be the acts of a slave?

Would something like that be considered for a little? I know it all depends on the contract and understanding.

Hi Danie! Both slaves and littles can be used sexually. Have fun! Unlike most of the previous replies, i am male with a female dom.

She is so special, funny, caring, sexy yet tough and demanding. The intimacy and trust levels we achieve thru her bdsm domination of me are incredible.

Unfortunately we live some distance apart, but when we do get together the connection is electric. I am constantly thinking ways to try and please her and show my loyalty.

I respect her and dont want to appear a pest by texting and calling all the time. Thanks for your comment, Bill!

A lot of subs feel that way, Erin. The best way to get over being self-conscious is to remember that your 1 job is to focus on your Dom, and not yourself.

You can even have a mantra to repeat when you feel your self-esteem dropping. Hello, I recently started being a sub.

And I have to tell you that…. I thought that I was the only one who loved this way of life. Thanks for this article it is really helpful!!

I have to continually try and anticipate what would please him, which is exhausting and I end up being a brat which only gets me spankings.

Can you give any suggestions that would help me, help him to carry over his dominance into our vanilla aspects of the relationship?

He is very willing to learn and grow but I do not want to force him, I love when he is and explores his dominance over me and wish so much that he would break out of the mindset that he is being a jerk for demands or punishment tasks.

Guys especially sometimes need things spelled out for them and lots of examples. You can also share this article about rituals with him.

Being a Dom and assigning and enforcing tasks is a lot of work. He may say he wants to learn and try but a Dom has to be self-motivated and take the lead.

He may just like the kinky sex, and being a lifestyle Dom may not be for him. Thanks so much. I read another few articles and the one you mentioned.

I took it upon myself to start a journal that He can read at will. I actually wrote my first entry and have to say it is so much easier to write about these things than to have discussions.

Maybe there is a happy medium somewhere and this journal is the start of something wonderful. Thanks for the advice Kinky Abby, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for all your amazing articles! Hi Lunaa! Remember to stay in the moment. Worrying about the future will not help you to serve your Dom.

And be kind to yourself! I adore to be sodomised by men while people watch. I am not attracted to men in the slightest.. I like your blog..

Knowing our likes and dislikes is the most important thing. You can read more about it here. Im struggleing to know exactly how to be the best sub.

We have a 13 yr old daughter who is never away from us and time alone to cummacate is scarce. Can you help me??

Struggling to be a good sub while dealing with teenage children can be frustrating. I am new to being a sub I have always had it in me but it just took the right man to bring it out of me.

Hi Peaches! Be sure to download the cheat sheet above, and you can also check out this article. I was in what I thought was a submissive role in my past but now I see was being abused.

I have since been talking with a Master and I am struggling with His written assignments. We have not met yet. Master says I am giving text book answers and not from my own heart.

He wants me in position humble and to describe my thoughts with questions He specifically asks. Like how i feel spiritually, emotionally, sexually, physically and mentally about me being his slave.

He made it clear that any punishment I would give to myself and He would decide what counted. I am new to the lifestyle and finally found a real Dom.

He is a Daddy and we are going by the book so to speak because of my inexperience. I have found though I love the thought of submitting to him I have a brat side to me.

Love to bring out the DD side of him. I am fearful I will be too much for him. One of the things I struggle with is the way my Master makes me feel.

I get lost in him, in my need to service him. When he is near, I am a puddle, and I sink into subspace at the sound of his voice.

I have difficulty with this for a number of reasons. It is not in my nature to give of myself so fully and I wonder if I am giving too much.

Hi Kim! Hi Crystal! For tips on obeying DDlg and long-distance relationship rules be sure to check out these articles:. Hi thanks you so much for the adivce I hope I can become a better sub and that it works thanks you.

Never having even read 50 Shades of anything or seen the movie or even having any thoughts on the subject, I have no idea where to start apart from maybe picking my chin off the floor.

I have been maneuvering your site and thank you for being here but I really do not know where to start still. Should I be saying Yep lets do this, am I insolent in wanting to ask lots of questions?

I am about to turn 50 so I have been committed over the last 12 months to staring my life from scratch and am trepidacious though completely open to the thought of this sort of relationship being a new way of living.

Ok I am now ranting apologies. But thanks for being in amongst the confusion. My X husband changed to be a submissive person.

He was always mistreating me when we were married. I have been with my Sir for around 18 months. Be sure to check out this article. Without a partner.

I am considering a relationship as a sub. The Dom has asked me to make sure I really want this. I like that, but it makes me emotional, thus harder to make a decision.

I have no experience with this, in fact have always had to be the one in control and have no idea of what all is expected of me.

I really want love. Is love a thing a Dom can have for the sub? I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster not knowing which way is up or down.

A Dom and sub can definitely love each other, Sunny. And many BDSM relationships are centered around love. Thank you. I guess I am just afraid of getting into something where I will remain unloved.

Can you tell me generic things that most Doms want from their subs? He keeps saying he wants me to be sure I want it, but when I ask what the conditions are he seems to busy to explain.

No problem, Sunny! Be sure to download the free contract here for a general idea of what most Doms expect. You can read more about that here.

Stay safe! Use it to stop what ever is going on should be no recourse for doing so. Be sure to read this article for help with communicating with your Dom.

Not that I am but I am interested in your answer? Thanks so much the articles are great and so informative!

Hi Carra! Can a sub make a potential Dom work for it? Make him earn my submission? You could have requirements that have to be met first. You can also check out this article for tips dealing with potential Doms.

Have fun and be safe! You gave me a rather clear vision of what should be a good relationship i. I am really glad I found this blog. There is a lot of information that I want to know.

I am not a sub yet but I want to be. Hi Terri! There are lots of single mothers who are subs. Just remember to stay safe and keep learning all you can about the lifestyle.

I have kind of fallen into a submissive role with my very long term partner. This has all happened so quickly and we are both enjoying this new phase of our sexual relationship,but it has come about because I kissed another guy.

Maybe I did this because I wanted to be punished. I actually have lots for Doms, Annette! You can check out this article to get you started. Your email address will not be published.

Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. What is a sub? A submissive can take on many different roles such as: Little Slave Property Secretary Pet Masochist They strive to please their Dom in all things, not just sexually.

Challenges to being submissive Subs are not perfect; they will mess up from time to time. Also a test to many is being obedient even when not in the presence of their Dom.

Ways they can do this are: Getting sufficient sleep Exercising regularly Eating a healthy diet Dressing properly Having good hygiene and grooming True submission is not just a role, it is a way of life.

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The Story of My Submission [BDSM]

That was our connection. I messaged him: "I didn't know you had this side of you. Wink, wink. At first, we casually texted, catching up on each other's lives.

He'd finished an Ironman triathlon, and I'd started working on a business plan to venture out on my own. Our shared interest in BDSM came up slowly, in e-mails and on the phone.

He'd joke about making me scream, and I'd say, confidently, "Bring it. I learned that BDSM is about more than rough sex.

While a Dominant, or "Dom," may have the "power," he can only go as far as his submissive, or "sub," will let him. It's not abuse; it's consensual. Doug would text, "How do you feel about a belt?

Could you trust me to do anything to you? We settled on opposite sofas, and I was a fidgety, nervous mess. What if I didn't like the pain as much as the idea of it?

Then Doug stood up, towering over me, and grabbed a fistful of my hair. He ordered me to perform oral sex, but that first time wasn't really about sex, it was about seeing if I'd be obedient.

He used a belt, leaving welts on my back, thighs, and bottom. I could hear him pacing behind me, but I never knew when the lick of leather was coming.

It hurt like hell, but I was utterly turned on. I had no control. And I loved it. Afterward, I cried, overwhelmed by how raw it all was.

We met up a couple more times for similar sessions, but then I pulled away. I was freaked out. Not by the pain, but by how intense my feelings were for him.

Nearly two years passed before I saw him again. We had both gotten married, gotten on with our lives. My husband and I renovated our house.

I traveled to India and Australia with friends. And my business boomed. Meanwhile, I tried to suppress this thing between Doug and me.

When Doug texted that he was moving to Boston for a big promotion, I agreed to meet him for a drink. I told my husband, with whom I share a very honest relationship, that I was going to see an ex for closure.

But as soon as Doug and I laid eyes on each other, that dark connection was still there. He walked me to my car, and we kissed. Then he told me to take off my pants.

I obeyed. We were right back in it. He left for Boston with his wife the next morning. A sub is willing to go to a place many people do not, or cannot, go.

With miles between us, we're in contact over e-mail, text, and Skype. Because BDSM is about so much more than just sex, Doug can still be my Dom from afar, focusing more on psychological control.

I'll text that I'm going for a run, and he'll tell me I can't. Over Skype, he'll watch me get close to orgasm and make me stop.

Or he won't speak to me because, with the distance, it's one of the only ways I can feel the sting of his decision. We know what we're doing isn't fair to our spouses, but fortunately for me, I'm able to be honest with my husband about Doug.

We went through counseling a few years ago and agreed to have an open marriage. I love my husband—and I love having sex with him, but in an entirely different way.

Doug is my dark and my husband is my light. For Doug, it's not that easy. His wife has no idea about this side of him. Recently, I flew to Boston for a long weekend when Doug's wife was out of town.

He arrived at my hotel and made me sit on my knees while he spanked me with his belt. Even though we have a safe word, I've never used it.

A Dom is intoxicated by someone who is willing to trust him or her that much. A sub is intoxicated by the surrender—and not because he or she is weak.

The physical pain is just a small part of it. And surviving it, enduring it, is a feat. I know it's weird, but I feel like if I can do that, I can do anything.

I didn't tell any of my friends about Doug for nearly four years. I just didn't want to be judged. Eventually, I started revealing details when we'd talk about our sex lives.

They couldn't believe that I liked being bossed around, that I allowed a man to hit me. The little parties are held at US Eastern time.

Please ensure that the following rules are both understood and adhered to. They are for the safety of everyone.

Skip to toolbar About WordPress. View Calendar. Skip to content Live Chat. Chat Rooms. Main Lounge The main lounge is open all of the time and is used to inform members of upcoming events, and as a meeting place throughout the week.

The Dungeon The Dungeon welcomes both Dominants and submissives and is used to host larger chat events, such as the weekly topic chats on aspects of Dominance and submission.

Dom's Saloon and sub's Lounge In order to allow members to talk more freely, these rooms are specific to Dominants and submissives respectively.

The Snug The Snug is a smaller chat-room designed for more intimate groups to talk about specific topics and this is where the little parties take place every two weeks.

Polite Notice. We look forward to meeting you!

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